I remember hearing a story once about the building program at Willow Creek church in Chicago. They had their ceiling painted black in the sanctuary, but it hadn’t turned out so good. When the lead pastor, Bill Hybels saw it, he thought it looked awful and immediately set up a meeting with the contractor. To prepare for this meeting, he set the spot lights to point to the ceiling in an effort to point out the obvious mistakes. When the contractor arrived, Hybels turned on the lights, and the contractor immediately said he would not look, and stalked out of the room, grabbed the contract and pointed out that all inspections were to be made in “normal room lighting”. He said, “No one’s work can stand up to the spot light.” I can tell you this is true, at least for my life. I never knew how many cracks I had until our home study arrived.
It came in the mail the night of Zach’s big football win. “Awesome!”, I thought, what a perfect night, we had just beat our rivals, now we can finally get started on our all important next step. That was until I sat down to fill it out. Fifty pages of personal questions, FBI Background Check, State Background Check, fingerprinting, finances, these people want to know everything, down to proof of our dogs’ vaccination history, and they are especially interested in cracks. The thing is, you don’t realize how cracked your life is till you put it down on paper.
“How many times did you move growing up?”- We never spent Christmas in the same place twice. “Were Your Parents Divorced?”- yes, I am sorry I don’t have enough room for my step-moms and don’t know all their names and ages, can I just put he was married 4 times? And the all important kicker, “Describe your relationship with your father”- I had three lines to put one word—None.
I sat there staring at blank pages my excitement gone, heartbroken, knowing they are never going to give us these kids, wondering if they would take the ones we have. One question kept coming in my mind, “Why would anyone give you these or any other kids?”. And that is the whisper I hear. Constant, incessant, “Who do you think you are? If they find out who you really are, boy are you in trouble.”
I don’t believe I am alone in this. I have talked to countless friends who have shared with me the same voice. You set up a budget and hear, “You will never get out of debt”. Download the calorie app and then, “It won’t last, you can’t lose the weight”. Set the alarm for early morning devotions, exercise, or whatever, “Why bother”. The bigger the goal, the louder the voice. It is that voice in our head that is so loud sometimes we can’t hear anything else and it says loud and clear, “CAN’T”.
So, how do I fill out the form? I don’t. Because the voice is right, at least it used to be. The only way that I can move forward at times like this is to cash in on a few promises. The first one is, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17. The voice is right, no one should give me kids. You take a look at my past and you would not know me. In high school I was voted “Least Likely to Go to Heaven”, I’m serious. But the promise I have been given is that I am not that guy anymore, I am a NEW creation.
The second promise is that as this new creation, in Christ, “I am able to do all things though Him who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13. See as a new creation, when I am doing His will I am in His strength, and who can stop God? Now as I stare at the blank page, I just fill it out, warts and all. No, I don’t have that raised-in-the-church squeaky-clean resume, but I do love my kids, and I promise to love my new kids if you just give me a chance. I’m a good dad, not because of anything that I am, but because of everything that He is.
So, now I am done. My checkered past is on the page. Soon, I will slip it into an envelope along with my background checks and financial plan, put a stamp on it and cash in on my last promise. I will say a prayer and remind the God of the universe that He promised, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6. It’s His promise, for me, for you, for Chad, for Ubang, for all who have placed their trust in the One who makes beauty from ashes and fills in all the cracks.
Brian
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