Filling In the Cracks

I remember hearing a story once about the building program at Willow Creek church in Chicago.  They had their ceiling painted black in the sanctuary, but it hadn’t turned out so good.  When the lead pastor, Bill Hybels saw it, he thought it looked awful and immediately set up a meeting with the contractor.  To prepare for this meeting, he set the spot lights to point to the ceiling in an effort to point out the obvious mistakes.  When the contractor arrived, Hybels turned on the lights, and the contractor immediately said he would not look, and stalked out of the room, grabbed the contract and pointed out that all inspections were to be made in “normal room lighting”.  He said, “No one’s work can stand up to the spot light.”  I can tell you this is true, at least for my life.  I never knew how many cracks I had until our home study arrived. 

It came in the mail the night of Zach’s big football win.  “Awesome!”, I thought, what a perfect night, we had just beat our rivals, now we can finally get started on our all important next step.  That was until I sat down to fill it out. Fifty pages of personal questions, FBI Background Check, State Background Check, fingerprinting, finances, these people want to know everything, down to proof of our dogs’ vaccination history, and they are especially interested in cracks.  The thing is, you don’t realize how cracked your life is till you put it down on paper. 

                “How many times did you move growing up?”- We never spent Christmas in the same place twice.  “Were Your Parents Divorced?”- yes, I am sorry I don’t have enough room for my step-moms and don’t know all their names and ages, can I just put he was married 4 times?  And the all important kicker, “Describe your relationship with your father”- I had three lines to put one word—None. 

                I sat there staring at blank pages my excitement gone, heartbroken, knowing they are never going to give us these kids, wondering if they would take the ones we have.  One question kept coming in my mind, “Why would anyone give you these or any other kids?”.  And that is the whisper I hear.  Constant, incessant, “Who do you think you are?  If they find out who you really are, boy are you in trouble.” 

I don’t believe I am alone in this.  I have talked to countless friends who have shared with me the same voice.  You set up a budget and hear, “You will never get out of debt”.  Download the calorie app and then, “It won’t last, you can’t lose the weight”.  Set the alarm for early morning devotions, exercise, or whatever, “Why bother”. The bigger the goal, the louder the voice.  It is that voice in our head that is so loud sometimes we can’t hear anything else and it says loud and clear, “CAN’T”.    

So, how do I fill out the form?  I don’t.  Because the voice is right, at least it used to be.  The only way that I can move forward at times like this is to cash in on a few promises.  The first one is, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17.  The voice is right, no one should give me kids.  You take a look at my past and you would not know me.  In high school I was voted “Least Likely to Go to Heaven”, I’m serious.  But the promise I have been given is that I am not that guy anymore, I am a NEW creation.

The second promise is that as this new creation, in Christ, “I am able to do all things though Him who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13.  See as a new creation, when I am doing His will I am in His strength, and who can stop God?  Now as I stare at the blank page, I just fill it out, warts and all. No, I don’t have that raised-in-the-church squeaky-clean resume, but I do love my kids, and I promise to love my new kids if you just give me a chance.  I’m a good dad, not because of anything that I am, but because of everything that He is.

So, now I am done.  My checkered past is on the page. Soon, I will slip it into an envelope along with my background checks and financial plan, put a stamp on it and cash in on my last promise.  I will say a prayer and remind the God of the universe that He promised, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6.  It’s His promise, for me, for you, for Chad, for Ubang, for all who have placed their trust in the One who makes beauty from ashes and fills in all the cracks.

Brian

Put Away Your Cape Superman

I never was a big fan of superman. It's not that he wasn't a good person, that was just it, he was too good. Who would want him in their story?  Leap over buildings, stronger than a locomotive, laser beams out of his eyes, no matter who you pit against him, you know he is going to win. Where is the fun in that?  No one likes a superman, and I just learned that I am not one. It took a little psychoanalysis to get there though.
As part of the adoption process, we had to set an appointment with a family therapist so that she could talk to Karie, the kids, and I about what we could expect with the addition of Ubang and Chad. It was an opportunity for her to report our readiness to the agency and for us to assess our readiness to adopt. Having some background in family therapy and having worked with kids for years, I was sure by the end of the session she would be more than comfortable with us. I figured, if there is anything I got, its this.
It was an hour drive to Louisville for the appointment and I had plenty of time to prepare my perfect presentation. In fact, as I looked in the rearview mirror back at my kids, then over at my wife I was filled with the thought of how lucky Chad and Ubang were to have us rescue them. I was thinking, who wouldn't want to have us as their family? By the time we had arrived, I was convinced that I would be able to maybe help her with some of her other cases, because after all, I was the expert. And after we got there I can remember exactly the point where false pride left me there looking silly holding a cape that didn't fit me at all.
I went into the phone booth to change, but came out Brian when she told Zach and Liz this: "Ubang and Chad are going to be very scared and overwhelmed to be here.". We all just bobbleheaded her, yes, yes we know. This is the part where you tell us how great we are for doing this. But she didn't. She said,  "Imagine this happened to you, your mom and dad both die in an accident."  At this point Liz starts to tear up. "And no one in your family can take you. So you and Zach have to leave your home, school, friends, and neighborhood to move to a strange country where you don't even know the language. You have to live with strangers who don't even look like you."  It was then that I heard a voice in my head say, "Put the cape away superman, you're not gonna need it".
It was sobering.  If you listen to enough people tell you something you start to believe it, especially when you want it to be true. I was running the play of Little Orphan Annie in my head and had cast myself as Daddy Warbucks. All this time I had believed that this was some awesome thing happening to these kids and that they would be so happy that tomorrow was no longer a day away, but this is not a great thing that is happening to Ubang and Chad. This is just one more scary goodbye and transition into the unknown for two little kids who for a long time have only had each other. I can't imagine that happening to Zach and Liz.
It doesn't matter how many cool toys we have, how big their rooms will be, how much stuff they will be able to do, they have lost their home, and their homeland and we will have to work hard, work very hard to make this their home someday. And it may never be.
These were the stories she told of what to look forward to. Stories of heartache and discontentment. Of night terrors and abuse. Of trauma and family struggle and all this between people who will have a hard time just to talking to each other. No, we are gonna need more than a cape, we need a cross.
Its not a bad trade really. A costume accessory for a place to crucify my pride and self confidence because in my own strength I am sure to fail. To give up the perfect image for a place to crucify perfectionism and control issues and replace that with peace and surrender. To get rid of the superhero and trade for a place to crucify our need to rescue and let the God of the universe be the Lord of my universe and come to my rescue. I think that is why Jesus told us to follow Him we were to pick up across daily (Luke 9:23). It's not something we have to do, it is something we get to do.
Isn't that just how He works? In His upside down way, He shows the guy who thought was rescuing just how much he is in need of rescue. That's why David said, "The Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned" Psalm 34:22.
We learned a great deal that day-- I learned a lot. Most of all I learned that I still have a lot to learn. Please continue to pray for us as we pray that God prepares our hearts and our home for Him to rescue all the Frederick family, Zach, Lizzie, Ubang, Chad, Karie, and especially Brian (formerly known as Superman).

Brian

Chad's First Birthday Present

Today we had the most amazing thing happen.  I know that I have used that “most amazing thing” before, but I am really beginning to believe that a most amazing God only does most amazing things.  I think that He leaves the regular amazing things for other people to do so that we don’t get confused with Who is really most amazing.  And the most amazing part about this?  He uses you and me to do these amazing miracles.

          Now I know what you might be thinking, remember that I am the world’s biggest skeptic.  The logic would seem that if God is using you and me to do great things, isn’t us who are doing them?  I know that might seem good logic, and on the surface that is exactly right.  You see, Jesus pointed this out when He explained that it is what comes out of us that shows what is in us.  “But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart” Matthew 15:18.  This is crucial so don’t miss this.  This is not some trite explanation of whether you are a good person by what you do or don’t do.  That is just surface teaching.  No, Jesus is telling us something so much more.

          You see, up until this time throughout the bible it has been “God with us”.  Even Jesus’ name, Emanuel, means “God with us”.  When people prayed they prayed for God to be with them, and Jesus was the answer to their prayers.  But, being with us was not good enough for Him, He is so much bigger than that and He is always more than the box into which we put Him. 

          There is a noticeable shift that He tells His disciples will come with the Holy Spirit.  That everything will change from God with us, to God in us.  This is so important because now we have the reason for the amazing, that when followers of Jesus do things out of love for His glory, then it is HIM doing them not us.

          So my amazing story of what God did today?  I found it in a flower pot.  It’s always the last place you look, and with our dog Hurley constantly getting into it, it is a wonder I did not find it all over the front yard.  I walked outside today to yell for him and examined what he got out to chew up and I found a Kroger bag stuffed among the flowers.  Inside was an envelope full of money.  I know this came from a follower with Jesus inside because there was no note or identifying information.  See, followers only want Jesus to get the glory.  There was simply a card attached with this scripture, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him” Romans 15:13.

          What Jesus knew was that this week we had to pay for a big ticket item of an international pediatrician evaluation on the kids where we learned that Chad (girl, 5) is likely blind in one eye (more on this in another post).  The total on this was $600, the total in the envelope… $522.  Amazing.  

          Ten years ago today several men conspired to steal, kill, and destroy.  This desire was inside them and out of the hate in their hearts came the destruction that we know today as 9/11.  But out of this same human heart today something amazing was done.  And you know what, today has a new meaning for us.  Its Chad’s birthday, and she got her first present.  Just out of curiosity, I looked up the 5:22 passages in the New Testament, and you know what I found?  Galatians 5:22, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”  This is what comes out of Jesus’ heart.

          Thanks to the many of our friends who are Christ followers who have given time, prayers, Scentsy commission, Premiere Jewelry, and money gifts to us to help us get our kids home.  You know who you are, but I say this with all my heart, more importantly—Jesus knows who you are, you are His and you have His heart.

Brian

God Still Speaks, He Said Ethiopia to Us

How did we choose Ethiopia? We didn't, God did. I can say this with an absolute assurance. Let me tell you this story, because it has now become my favorite, and I am so excited I have one of these to tell. You know the kind of story I am talking about. The ones that circulate around on emails that you wonder, did that really happen? Like the guy that was told by God to buy milk and then which apartment to take it to, or the couple that packed up their clothes and took them to a neighborhood only to be told to go to a house where everyone there was the exact right size and needed clothes.

If the tone sounds skeptical, it is because I am. I might be the world's biggest cynic, and I would read these stories and say to myself, "God never does that", or at least, "God doesn't do that anymore". My reasoning for this, of course is because He has never done it with me. The closest I had ever gotten to one of those stories is a miraculously found day planner or a close parking spot at Walmart on Black Friday (that still counts, right?). But maybe that has less to do with God and more to do with me.

It seems that most of our energy and resources are directed at setting ourselves up so that we don't need God's intervention. Think about it, do we really want to find ourselves in a situation where we need Him? Who wants to be in a desperate place? Far too often the only time we come to a full and complete understanding that we are fully and completely dependent upon Him are during these times of crisis.

But this is exactly the state that Jesus called 'blessed' when He said, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness". I don't believe that Jesus wants us in desperate situations, but rather in every day life to live with desperation. So the challenge is to purposefully look for situations that call for great faith, where only God could get the glory. I believe He loves stuff like that. And that's how I think I got to experience His power and direction in this story.

So how Ethiopia? Well, being a total planner that usually asks God to bless my plans rather than set my direction, I put together a PowerPoint presentation for the family with three countries (Peru, Philippines, Ethiopia) with all the stats on economy, orphans, location, and pictures of children from that area (I know, my poor children, right?). We viewed the presentation, prayed, then agreed to wait and hear what God had to say.

Zach hit the mower, Karie headed for the laundry, Lizze to her room, and I went to the reading room for some quiet time (every guy knows exactly where I am). I took my One Year New Living Translation and opened to the marked page (the wrong date) and it was there at 2 Chronicles 14:9 "Once an Ethiopian named Zerah...". Any other translation would have "Cushite", but this modernized translation uses the modern, Ethiopia.

Quirky, yes, but I thought.... nah. Then as I was heading to help Karie, Zach comes in and pulls me to the side to tell me he was listening to a podcast sermon from last Christmas preached by Kyle Idelman called "Socks and Underwear". In this sermon Kyle used an illustration of a couple at Southeast Christian adopting a child from, guess where? If you said, Ethiopia, you are a very spiritual person, and also spot on.

But the best was to come that Monday when I was picking up catering at Chic Fil A. I was pulling out of the parking lot when the van below pulls in front of me. Look close and see that there is a picture of Africa, with the word Ethiopia across it, and a heart where the country should be. For added effect (and just because He can), there is a family of Jesus fish on the other side. This van also had no license plate and no marking/writing on the side. I have never before or since seen a van,car, or Amish buggy with any African stickers on it. I took the picture on my phone (while stopped, of course) to remember that God still speaks to us today. He really does, He is good, and He still wants to talk to me and you today, we just need to quit fearing the hearing.

So Ethiopia it is, and thank you God for still talking to me, even when I try to push you out.

Brian