I never was a big fan of superman. It's not that he wasn't a good person, that was just it, he was too good. Who would want him in their story? Leap over buildings, stronger than a locomotive, laser beams out of his eyes, no matter who you pit against him, you know he is going to win. Where is the fun in that? No one likes a superman, and I just learned that I am not one. It took a little psychoanalysis to get there though.
As part of the adoption process, we had to set an appointment with a family therapist so that she could talk to Karie, the kids, and I about what we could expect with the addition of Ubang and Chad. It was an opportunity for her to report our readiness to the agency and for us to assess our readiness to adopt. Having some background in family therapy and having worked with kids for years, I was sure by the end of the session she would be more than comfortable with us. I figured, if there is anything I got, its this.
It was an hour drive to Louisville for the appointment and I had plenty of time to prepare my perfect presentation. In fact, as I looked in the rearview mirror back at my kids, then over at my wife I was filled with the thought of how lucky Chad and Ubang were to have us rescue them. I was thinking, who wouldn't want to have us as their family? By the time we had arrived, I was convinced that I would be able to maybe help her with some of her other cases, because after all, I was the expert. And after we got there I can remember exactly the point where false pride left me there looking silly holding a cape that didn't fit me at all.
I went into the phone booth to change, but came out Brian when she told Zach and Liz this: "Ubang and Chad are going to be very scared and overwhelmed to be here.". We all just bobbleheaded her, yes, yes we know. This is the part where you tell us how great we are for doing this. But she didn't. She said, "Imagine this happened to you, your mom and dad both die in an accident." At this point Liz starts to tear up. "And no one in your family can take you. So you and Zach have to leave your home, school, friends, and neighborhood to move to a strange country where you don't even know the language. You have to live with strangers who don't even look like you." It was then that I heard a voice in my head say, "Put the cape away superman, you're not gonna need it".
It was sobering. If you listen to enough people tell you something you start to believe it, especially when you want it to be true. I was running the play of Little Orphan Annie in my head and had cast myself as Daddy Warbucks. All this time I had believed that this was some awesome thing happening to these kids and that they would be so happy that tomorrow was no longer a day away, but this is not a great thing that is happening to Ubang and Chad. This is just one more scary goodbye and transition into the unknown for two little kids who for a long time have only had each other. I can't imagine that happening to Zach and Liz.
It doesn't matter how many cool toys we have, how big their rooms will be, how much stuff they will be able to do, they have lost their home, and their homeland and we will have to work hard, work very hard to make this their home someday. And it may never be.
These were the stories she told of what to look forward to. Stories of heartache and discontentment. Of night terrors and abuse. Of trauma and family struggle and all this between people who will have a hard time just to talking to each other. No, we are gonna need more than a cape, we need a cross.
Its not a bad trade really. A costume accessory for a place to crucify my pride and self confidence because in my own strength I am sure to fail. To give up the perfect image for a place to crucify perfectionism and control issues and replace that with peace and surrender. To get rid of the superhero and trade for a place to crucify our need to rescue and let the God of the universe be the Lord of my universe and come to my rescue. I think that is why Jesus told us to follow Him we were to pick up across daily (Luke 9:23). It's not something we have to do, it is something we get to do.
Isn't that just how He works? In His upside down way, He shows the guy who thought was rescuing just how much he is in need of rescue. That's why David said, "The Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned" Psalm 34:22.
We learned a great deal that day-- I learned a lot. Most of all I learned that I still have a lot to learn. Please continue to pray for us as we pray that God prepares our hearts and our home for Him to rescue all the Frederick family, Zach, Lizzie, Ubang, Chad, Karie, and especially Brian (formerly known as Superman).
Brian
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