Catching Up....

I began writing this at the Ethiopian airport and finished in my backyard two days later.  Although hours passed, it seemed like one long day…

Part One: New Parents

Well, we are officially new parents!  We had a roughly wonderful day today, it was great, hard, bittersweet, and awesome; and I am so tired right now that I can’t believe I am awake.  Let me start at the beginning.  We had our Ethiopian court appointment today for the judge to approve our adoption.  After a quick breakfast we get in the bus with our new found friends Camille and Matt who are on the same mission as us and we are all nervous.  There is always a chance that it can be delayed to another date and this would just lengthen the time between trips.  We drive through the streets of Ethiopia and then pull off near what looks like a city square and just wait.  Not nervous, because our driver (one of two), Danny says, “Here we wait.  It’s no problem!”  After a while the passenger door opens and in walks our court representative and we are on our way again.  We get to the court, no marble, no columns, and no parking, so we are dropped off and head inside.  Here another strange thing, I walk right through but the female security guard stops Karie and pats her down… and I mean pats her down.  It is a good thing she was a female security or it would have been really uncomfortable! 

Then we go up several flights of stairs and enter the waiting room.  We are prepared for a long wait, books ready, settling in when we hear our representative’s name called.  I can’t remember a time in my mind when I have been more nervous.  I don’t even know how to address an Ethiopian judge!  Will she ask us questions?  Is she in a good mood?  We head in and sit down and wouldn’t you know it we go first.  “I will call you by the children’s names… Ubang and Chad?”  I croak out a yes maam’ to her next several questions, “Do you have children currently?  What our their ages?  Are they happy about the adoption?  Have you had training on international adoption?  Have you spent time with the children?”  And then she stops and says, “Ethiopian adoption is final.  Once you take these children they are yours forever.  If you do not return for them they will be your children that you left in Ethiopia.  Do you understand this?  Do you want these children?”

“Yes maam’” I say.

Then she stamps a paper and says, “They are all yours.”  Walking out I hold hands with Karie and say in her ear, “We’ve got two more kids… was this a painful as the last two?”  And we head back to the car ready to spend the rest of our last day with our two official children.

Part Two:  At the Orphanage

We get an unexpected surprise and get to spend the rest of the day until dinner time with the kids.  It is hard when they find out that there is no “tomorrow” with us. Chad is the first to learn as she is told by one of the staff before lunch.  She cried as Karie rocked her and I watched them both knowing that we would be back as soon as possible but my heart breaking because I don’t know how to say it so she will understand.   Ubang insists that we take the toys we brought the first day.  He had boxed everything up into the bowling set we brought and gave it to me, pointing to the sky saying, “America”.  I tried over and again to explain that he could keep them here, that we would have more at home, but in frustration he finally ran off and when I found him in a hallway he was crying.  I hugged him and told him I would take everything home, to his home and it would be there waiting for him.  “America, America, Ubang’s home.  I will take it.  Ubang’s home.”  It was hard.

Not long after this, we have lunch and I sit with them both.  Chad is fine but I can tell Ubang is more distant than usual and when he finishes early we sneak off to the balcony again.  And this is the best part of the day.  We take turns drawing something on the iPad and guessing what it is.  He is much better than me, but it doesn’t matter because I know that time is passing and soon we will say goodbye. 

Its not fair.  As I look at him as we play a puzzle game and I think about how much I will miss him… and his sister.  I have seen the t-shirts, heard the stories, and read the blogs about how “half my heart is in Africa” but until this moment I didn’t fully understand.  It is not natural to leave your kids thousands of miles away and count the days until they can come home.  Half my heart is in Africa, and this is not a cool feeling.  It hurts. 

We play for a few more hours.  They have to shower and both he and Chad come out at least three times before they go in to make sure we are still there.  It is like we all understand how precious a moment is and we don’t want to waste one. Finally it is dinner time and we say goodbye.  For the first time we ride back to the hotel in silence.  Wass is great, but we don’t talk.  He knows. 

Part Three:  Coming Home

Finally we pack up and get ready for the long journey home.  It is filled with crappy airline food, running to make connections and the boring mundane stuff that used to stress me out but seems to have less meaning now.  We showed the videos and pictures to Zach and Liz and they seem to catch our spirit.  We all can’t wait for them to come home.  When I look at my watch I count 7 hours ahead and think about what my two kids are doing right now.  If I could ask you all for anything it would be that time would fly, that paperwork would be filed and that we would get the sacred email that tells us we can go back and get our own, and bring our two kids home.  Until then, it is my prayer that God would continue to watch over Ubang and Chad even though they are no longer orphans.  Their Forever Family is longing to bring them home for good.

Brian      

You Are Here... Not For Long

I hate to sound redundant, but today was another great day. It started out raining buckets which, we have been told, is an unusual event given that the rainy season is still a few weeks away. But as Wass (our driver) put it, "In Ethiopia, we are always thankful for the rain." We were wondering how this would affect our play time, but the morning was filled with our orientation preparing us for court tomorrow and the coming weeks ahead.

We have been told that the process from this point on will take about 6-8 weeks before we can go back to get them. I think that after being there at the orphanage so long, Ubang and Chad know the drill as they have seen plenty of parents come, visit, and then come back for their kids, but I don't know how well mom and dad are gonna do.

After the Q&A about what happens next in our process, we got to spend what seemed like too short a time playing with them. Four-square, memory, and the iPad all while trying to get their sizes for their clothes. When we pick them on our second trip, they will come with the clothes on their backs, so we have to pack all the clothes/things they need with us. They were both excited to learn that they would be getting new clothes, Ubang more than Chad I think!

Near the end of the day, we went to the balcony again, and this time Chad asked if the world outside that she saw was America. This time dad was prepared. I had bookmarked some locations, our hotel in Addis Ababa and our house in Kentucky on Google Maps where it shows the globe. So I was able to show them down to street level where they would live in a couple months, across the world. When I pointed to our house, Ubang asked, "My house?". Even though the picture was fuzzy, he really still had no idea how far away he and his sister would be traveling, and even though he still had no idea what exactly America is like, it was enough-- more than enough-- that he had a home. He, and his sister have a Forever Family and we can't wait to get them home.

May my faith be that real, may my wants be that simple, and may the things that I strive for be that pure. The next time I worry, complain, want, I hope I remember what my son has taught me, home is enough. While I am here, God has blessed be with home, and when I die He has blessed me again. May that always be enough.

Brian

Another Great Two Days

It is no surprise to me that I am reading through the book of Numbers in my daily devotionals at this time.  God is using it to humble me.  If you are not familiar with this book, the back half chronicles God’s people as they go through the wilderness wanderings.  As I read through this story I can’t help but be a Christian snob at times.  “Why didn’t they get it?”, I ask.  “How could you see God’s hand at work so clearly and still doubt Him constantly?”  Then I come to my story.  Let’s just recount the worries:  finances (God miraculously made it work and I still can’t figure it out), will they like us (the first day there showed He was at work before we got there), will Zach and Liz love them (they are setting their phones by their bed every night hoping that we might get internet at the orphanage and be able to Skype at 3 am their time), and I could go on from the beginning until now.  And what do I do last night?  Stay up worring about whether they will do well with learning English and if we will be able to communicate.  And the faithful and mighty God answers again with two wonderful days where we laugh and play and begin connecting and understanding each other.  It was amazing.

Yesterday and today were both awesome days.  Karie and I switched up yesterday and she played with the iPad and Ubang and I got schooled in memory with Chad.  She had to teach me how to play because they do it a little differently this side of the world, and she figured out pretty quickly that I am color blind as she kept saying to me, “No.. no.. no… no color!” 

Today we got some great video as they gave us the grand tour.  We saw where they sleep, eat and play, and it broke my heart to think about how long they have been here.  Over a year, in the same small room with roomies who keep leaving ahead of you.  Same courtyard, not as big as our driveway and with walls high enough that you can’t see over.  They have not left, except for school which is only a few houses over.  Ubang showed us his favorite spot.  The balcony.  He would just sit there and watch as people walked and occasionally drove by.  As my heart was breaking to take him home today, a plane from Ethiopian Airlines flew over.  He pointed and said, “Plane!” and stuck his arms out and made jet engine sounds. Boys are the same the world over I guess.  Karie said, “Ubang go on the plane?”, he only answered with a smile.  Soon, buddy very soon. 

But the best was yet to come.  As Chad was showing her friends over and over the video of Lizzie and her new room (they must have watched it 10 times), Ubang was drawing on the tablet PC we brought.  He loves to draw.  And as you can see, he is quite good. My second favorite is the one of me, and no those aren’t my ears, it is my hair.  Ok, I might need a trim.  My favorite was the one of the plane.  When he drew it, he put the airline colors on the tail (amazing!) and even better, he put himself in the window.  My heart hurts so bad to bring him home… today was hard. 

We love these kids.  They are so special.  We are so lucky that God has blessed us by picking us for them.  I can’t wait for you to meet them.  We will post video and pictures as soon as we get the clear from our agency.  Until then, enjoy my son’s artwork and please pray that he will be in that plane soon.

Brian

We Finally Meet

We met them today and I can’t imagine it going any better.  We played soccer, colored, played on the iPad and even had lunch (actually we watched while they ate).  They are wonderful.  He is incredibly smart and a gifted artist as well. And she has laughter that makes everyone smile.  It was too short of a day.  It just flew by.  We get to spend the next couple of days with them and then it is goodbye for a little while.  I am already dreading it. 

It was amazing how fast my concerns, doubts and worries melted away.  The closer we got to this date the more worried I got.  But God, in His wisdom, kept time marching on because He had already seen how awesome this day would be.  And the thing that made it most wonderful is that they were totally excited to see us. 

There are four couples, including us, here at the orphanage this week.  We all got here at different times, but we were the last to arrive.  They have all see our kids this week and each day a new couple arrived, we were told they asked about us.  When we got there today, the staff cleared the courtyard play area and we walked in to an empty place.  We had seen kids at the door peeking as we pulled up in the car, but they were all hiding now.  When the inner door opened, a boy with his hood on came smiling up to me, and held his arms out to hug me, it was my new son.  Behind him was his sister and Karie had her in her arms just seconds later. 

It was so surreal.  We had not met before, and here we were hugging and laughing in this courtyard.  Within moments we were playing with a soccer ball we brought for them.  For all we knew we could have been in our backyard at home in Kentucky.  It was like the whole world faded away.  Then we introduced them to Zach and Liz, their new brother and sister and showed them their new rooms.  Before we left, we had Zach and Liz each make a video for their new brother and sister.  They were amazed and learned their names within minutes.  For the rest of the afternoon, we hung out, and it was hard to say goodbye.

Ok, I know that this may seem selfish, and I know that there are those of you out there who pray for us daily, but I have one more request to ask of you.  I know it is ok to ask it of the Lord because he tells us over and again that “you do not have because you do not ask” and you should “pray continually and never give up”.  Jesus even told a story to illustrate this with a persistent widow who wore the judge out with her requests (Luke 18:1-8).  Please pray that they come home quickly.  They are ready to go to their forever family and we are ready to have them.  Thanks from all of you, our friends and family.

Brian

TIme to Meet

After a restless night's sleep, we are up now and about to meet our kids for the first time. I'm sitting here thinking of other first times that I have been nervous or excited about. The first time I saw the ocean I was in my twenties and I was so excited that they blindfolded me and I didnt see it until I felt it on my toes. The first time I saw my children was one of the few times in my life that I cried at the miracle God gave us. My first sermon was more along the terrifying scale, even though it was a church with only 9 regular weekly attenders (my family there doubled attendance). All of these felt similar, excited, nervous, filled with anticipation. None of these come close to what I feel right now.

It is 7:30 here in Addis, and in one hour I will meet my two children. For most parents that statement doesn't make sense. What will they think of us? What if they don't like us? How much will we be able to communicate? What will we talk about with the little communication we do get across? And there is some excitement, but the more I sit here and think, the more the thorns of worry come up to choke it out.

This is probably what Jesus meant when He gave us the command "Do not worry". I have to remind myself this because it was Him who has brought us this far. This was His idea in the first place and He is full of good ideas. "I know the plans I have for you", he says, "plans not to harm you, but prosper you and give you hope and a future".

So that is my prayer this morning. not they they like us, it goes smoothly, we can miraculously speak amharic in an hour, but that I do not worry. Because there is joy in the rest of that stuff; in all the trials and troubles of anything, there is joy. And after there is even more because of them. How many times in the little things do I miss the joy my Father has for me because I waste time worrying?

So it comes down to this, do we, do I trust God? His plan for me? Do I really believe it is better than any I could cook up? It only takes a quick second of reflection on all of my blunders to answer that. And once again I am faced with the comforting truth that Father knows best.

Brian

Best Easter Ever

As I write this, it is Easter Sunday and it looks different than any Easter I can remember. This Easter we have no egg hunt, no big ham dinner, no relatives houses, we went to church at the Saturday service, and (GASP), no basket full of candy and toys left by the rabbit (we did get the kids a chocolate bunny so we are not total scrooges).  This year, as we celebrate the Resurrection, we are putting the finishing touches on our kids’ Life Books.  You see, we leave in three days for Ethiopia, and these books are going with us.

Our agency suggested that we make the Life Books to take and give to the kids before we leave.  When you adopt from Ethiopia there are two trips involved.  The first trip we will meet our new children, spend the weekend with them and then go to our court date to declare to the Ethiopian government that we want to be their new parents.  After that, we have to say goodbye for a few weeks.  We have to come back home, they have to stay in the orphanage and we all wait to get our US Embassy Appointment when we can go back and bring them home.  In between these trips, they will have their Life Books.

We have been working on these Life Books for a month now.  Over the past few weekends, here at our house,  we have been frantically painting rooms, building bunk beds, and setting up toys so that we could take pictures to take with us to give to them.  These pictures of their rooms, our house, the dogs, and all of us go in a scrap book for each of them, that Grandma as been working on in Chicago, so they can learn about us in between our two trips.  And this weekend the pictures and scrapbook pages are coming together to complete the books.  But that is only part of their books.  First, we include their story so they will always be able to remember where they came from.  We will tell about their mother, father, what their village was like and include as much information that we can for them to have a memory.

Next, we include a few pages of pictures of them.  From the photos that we have been sent, we put together pages of them doing what they love.  For our son, we include photos of him taking pictures, playing soccer, and playing with his sister.  For our daughter, photos of her braiding hair, blowing bubbles and swinging with her brother.  All decorated with their names in English so they can learn them in this strange new language. 

Finally, the pictures of their new home are added.  Pictures of their toys, their own beds, their playground, their pool, and their new family are all decorated and labeled to hold onto until we come back.  All of this is put together with love and excitement and when we meet them, after we spend time with them, before we have to leave them, we will hand the books over to them and say, “We love you.  We are coming back for you.  When you want to remember us, when you want to look forward to your new home, when you want to see your new family, just look at your book, and know we are coming.  We promise.”

As I am taking pictures, and watching these finishing touches being placed on these books, I have to stop and think that this is better than any basket, any egg hunt, any dinner I have ever gotten.  This, after 37 Easters of my life, is the first time I really understand what His Easter story is all about, and I am so thankful I am nearly overcome.  These Life Books are just a small picture of what Jesus did for you and me.  He came to earth, spent a short time with us, rescued us before we even knew Him, and He left us a Book to remember. 

He said, “In my Father’s house there are many rooms, and I go to prepare a place for you.”  Then he left us a picture book of streets of gold.  He said, “I will be with you always.” Then He left us His words and our story so that we would remember.  And just before He left He promised, “I am coming back to get you.  Where you are at now is not your home.  I am coming back to bring you home.  You are going to live with Me, just wait a little while and read your book to remember.  When you get lonely, read My Words to you, when you miss Me they will help you remember Whose you are and where you belong.”

This is the best Easter gift I have ever been given.  Once again God has shown me that I have been given so much more by these two kids more than I could ever give them.  Thank you Jesus. 

Happy Easter

Brian

One More Set of Fingerprints.... Why?

The most annoying question in the world has to be, "why?".  It is annoying when it’s asked of us.  As kids we annoyed parents and teachers alike with a constant barrage of whys and now our kids do the same to us.  And it is equally annoying when we are asking it.  We all hate why because it can so seldom be answered and in most cases leads to another, Why? 

Not only is it annoying, it can be frustrating, continuous, and often times painful.  We all have our own set of whys.  Why did he leave?  Why did she hurt me?  Why did this or that happen to me?  All of these heartbreaking questions are rarely answered and if they ever are it is never to our satisfaction.  Why rarely leads to understanding. 

I have a personal 'why' with God.  It’s not a 'why did this happen?' or a 'why did you let that happen?', no, mine is much more basic.  I can’t for the life of me figure out why God loves me.  You ever think of that?  We really don’t bring anything to the table.  There is nothing we can do for Him, nothing we can give Him he doesn’t already have, and nothing we can get Him that He needs.  And, if you are anything like me, I am usually more interested in what He can do for me anyway.  I don’t talk to Him enough, don’t spend enough time with Him and most of the time He gets what I have leftover.  Why, in the world does He love me?

And this brings me to adoption.  I think that God is continually teaching me through this process, teaching me about Him.  Because anyone who has been a parent could at least in a small way, relate to God as a parent.  We have these kids who can’t do anything for us, don’t bring much to the table (although it is nice when they are big enough to mow the lawn!), and are always wanting more from their parents-- and yet we love them.  But, I would counter, they are my kids.  They have been with me from the beginning of their lives, they look like me and too often act like me.  That is why I do what I do for them. 

But not so anymore.  My two new kids don't look a thing like me.  They don’t talk like me, dress like me, act like me, and we share no history.  And yet we are trying to move heaven and earth to bring them home.  It doesn't make any sense on paper.  And so once again I have no answer for the question, 'why?'. 

I bet this is why God gave us this verse However, as it is written:

“No eye has seen,

no ear has heard,

no mind has conceived

what God has prepared for those who love him”– but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. (1 Corinthians 2:9-11 NIV84)

We can never know how much or why God loves us, but He promises that He does.  That is what we are to rest in knowing.  That He does.  And it is my prayer that He uses our adoption to teach us about how He adopted us.  Just as He now uses Zach and Liz to teach me about how He is a Father to me.

Please keep us in your prayers as we get closer to Ethiopia.  Karie and I go this week to get our last set of fingerprints done for the USCIS.  Pray specifically for a quick turnaround on our Favorable Determination Letter.  Once we receive this we can send our dossier to the Ethiopian government and wait for our first travel date.  And hopefully this will focus us on more important questions than why, like "when?" and then God willing, "How?"  :)

Thank You for Your Prayers,

Brian

Ready to Wait?

Well its been a while, but forgive us because we have been really busy.  In the past month we have completely finished our Homestudy, Referral, and now our Dossier (with the exception of our USCIS Fingerprints)!  Our homestudy has been written and approved.  This major milestone is now behind us.  I have to stop here and thank everyone who has prayed for us up to this point because we have felt the power of your prayers.  I also must be a little selfish and ask you not to stop because we need them now more than ever, and that, my friends, is the real reason for this post.

I hate to wait.  I know that I am not alone in this as I have NEVER met another person with a pulse who enjoys waiting.  Waiting in line, waiting for your wife (or husband), waiting for payday; no matter the occasion most people typically hate to wait.  And, if you are like me, you have hated to wait for a long time.  Since we were kids we have been ingrained with impatience and we pass this on in our genetic makeup like height or hair color.  As I write this, my kids are driving me nuts about opening a Christmas present early because… they hate to wait.  And in the world of waiting, there are two types of waiting you can do: definite and indefinite.  Definite waiting is a little more bearable, because, like in the case of Christmas, my kids know when exactly their torture will come to an end.  Indefinite waiting, well that’s another story.  Just ask anyone who has been out of work or waited on news about a loved one; depending on the circumstances, it can sometimes be torture. 

 When all you can do is wait, it seems like there is nothing to do.  And this is especially difficult because we are a nation of “doers”.  We are the multitasking, overachieving, constantly busy people who invented the microwave and picture in a picture television.  We’ve got 24 hour news and instant coffee makers at the ready so we can stay up to watch it.  We even recently invented a phone that we can talk and text to send and receive messages while we drive/run/walk (and we are probably listening to music or a podcast while we are doing this too!).  Is it any wonder why we don’t like to wait? 

I think that the reason we hate to wait is that we seem to have so little control when we are in “the mean time”.  Or better, we are reminded of how little control we have in the first place.  When we wait we are powerless and dependant on someone or something else.  If you are waiting in a checkout line, you are powerless and at the total mercy of the employee checking out the person in front of you, or you are at the mercy of the customer who at the last minute pulls out a checkbook and begins to balance it before making the check out to the store (who does this???, I mean a check, really?, you can see I am totally patient).  It is this reminder of lack of control at which we chafe.  This is probably why it is God’s chosen way in which he readies us, prepares us, and disciplines us.  It is in the waiting where growth, character, and spiritual discipline is developed. 

You don’t really see waiting though.  In the movies, when a character has to change, get in shape, or train it usually happens in the course of one song on the soundtrack.  On television, problems are solved in an hour or less, or if it is a really big problem, you might have a “to be continued” before Cliff Huxtable comes in to explain it and make it alright.  And in the Bible it is no different; you  don’t see what happens while  waiting.  Moses left Egypt and waited decades before the Lord told him to return to free the people.  David was made king and then waited years before he took the throne and much of that time is unaccounted for.  Even Jesus waited as we get the awesome account of His birth, and then we don’t hear much until he is 30 years old. 

And so we enter the land of “the mean time”.  The only thing worse than waiting on the indefinite is waiting on the government—two governments.  As we enter this time we ask for your prayers.  Pray that we might wait as Paul describes in Romans 8:25 “But we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”  We will also be asking in the coming weeks for you to partner with us and pray for specific things and specific times.  Our documents now go the US and Ethiopian governments to be scrutinized and translated and we will be praying for a quick and bump free process.   

Also as we get updates from the orphanage we are learning more about Ubang and Chad’s life and the story has been a sad one.  Although I cannot share it with you in full here, please know that these two kids have had a difficult childhood, even more so that we had first heard.  Please be in prayer for them as they share their stories with the house mothers in Addis Abba. 

Brian

Thank God for All of You

“I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now”

The Apostle Paul

Letter to the Church at Philippi

(Philippians 1:2-5)

I always thought Paul was just being nice when he put stuff like this in his letter to the churches.  You know, like “thanks so much”, “couldn’t have done it without you”, or “thanks for your prayers”.  It is just something you put in a nice letter to people you like.  It shows that Paul was a polite guy who’s mother raised him right.  Because everyone knows that that is the kind of stuff you put in a nice letter.  Even companies today know to do this.  I just got a letter from the cable company telling me how great I am and how much they value me.  Now, I have not yet to my knowledge met, much less become close friends with anyone who works for Comcast, so it is just uncanny that they already know how wonderful I am.  Maybe it is because they don’t know me J. 

That is exactly what I thought Paul was doing.  He was being just like the cable company, saying some nice stuff to some people he probably didn’t know that well but who are probably nice people and Paul was just polite.  The problem is, that is not exactly true—any of it.

First, Paul did know them.  These were people who he had worked along side to build the church in Philippi, and to build it amidst opposition, from both the Jews and Romans.  They built it together “from the first day until now”.  Do you have any friends like that?  Friends who have been with you from the beginning when it was fun and easy, all the way through the tough times, until the present day?  If you do then the faces that pop into your mind bring a smile to your face.  But there are probably other faces too, faces that did not stay.  If you have these faces, then you know how bittersweet this verse is, because the people who stay are rare.  

Second, Paul was not a polite guy, just for the sake of politeness.  Put away the stones and don’t think me a heretic.  Paul was not a “churchy nice guy”.  This is the guy who opposed Peter “to his face” (Galatians 2:11) and opened other letters by telling the church how disappointed he was in them that they were deserting the gospel and telling them that anyone who was preaching a false gospel was eternally condemned (Galatians 1:6-8).  The point is Paul was not nice for the sake of niceness.  He didn’t say something unless he meant it. 

And for the first time in my life, I understand him.  I understand him because I am truly thankful for all of you who have prayed for and supported us from the beginning.  Last night was our benefit dinner that our parents held for our family to help raise support for Ubang and Chad to come home.  And I am humbled and awed at the outpouring and support of friends and family and in some cases people we have just met and some we don’t even know.  But now you are partners.  You are partners in this awesome ministry to two precious orphans to make them son and daughter again. 

I want to tell you that we are thanking God for you in our prayers.  I pray that you might know this side of heaven how awesome it is that you are all a part of Ubang and Chad and helping us become their Forever Family. 

Last night I loved it when Chad laughed on the video and it wasn’t long before everyone was laughing just to hear her as she was on the swing set with her brother.  It was awesome to hear when Rick (Papa to our kids) shared how someone changed his life by changing him from orphan to son.  To hear Bobby Jack (or Pappy as he is known here) pray for us and his new grandkids.  It was awesome to see the prayers hanging on the tree as people put their hearts on paper and shared them with us. 

I opened this blog with a prayer and I would like to close it the same way.  The prayer I want to share with you didn’t come from an apostle.  Not a pastor, or a professional clergy person, but the heart of faith we are called to have.

Dear God,

Please let Ubang and Chad have a great home.  Please let the angels watch over them day and night.

Love Nolan Goodman (age, 8)

(Included in his prayer were two of his silly bands, a hippo and giraffe, as a gift to Ubang and Chad)

Amen Nolan. 

Make Mine Doro Wat, Please

Throughout this adoption I have witnessed many awesome things.  We have seen friends sacrifice for us, people pray for us, and God talk to us, but I have to say that this past week I witnessed the greatest miracle so far.  You might be tempted to scoff when I share with you what it is, especially if your are familiar with God’s Miracles Greatest Hits—ones like parting a sea to defeat a great army, knocking down a fortified wall with a band number, or fire-proofing three Hebrew boys.  These may seem pretty awesome, but hold onto your seat because changing the eating habits of a finicky nine-year-old female… I would rather take the Egyptian army. This past week we had to eat Ethiopian style.

Part of our Education/Home Study requirements includes becoming intimately familiar with Ethiopian culture.  This is important because we need to be able to normalize Ubang and Chad’s environment any way we can.  When they arrive in their new home, it will be like landing on another planet.  Nothing will be familiar.  The climate will be different.  As I write this it is 45 degrees outside, in Addis Ababa where Chad and Ubang are it is 86.  The environment will be different.  Trees, grass, smells and animals will all be different.  We have been told Ethiopian children are afraid of dogs because over the dogs they are familiar with are wild and dangerous and not household pets.  The time is different.  Now, I know what you are thinking, “of course there is a time difference”, and yes in hours, but also in days as they follow a completely different calendar with 13 months instead of 12 (and I used to complain about Indiana not changing time!). 

Most importantly, the mealtime is different—not just the food—but the mealtime.  You might say, “Why is that such a big deal?”  It is a very big deal.  Most of our memorable and cherished times are spent around the table.  Think about it, when you went out on a date with your spouse, probably included a meal.  When is important news often shared— around a dinner table.  Holiday dinners, birthday cakes, first dates, and fiftieth anniversaries all include a mealtime and all become a part of our memories.

That is why it is sacred time, and for our Ethiopian kids, it is totally different.  There is no silverware; you eat with your hands, actually your right hand.  Injara bread (a kind of flat, sour dough bread) is pealed off and used to grab the food, which is served platter style, everyone shares with everyone.  There is little refrigeration so the food is packed with spices to preserve and flavor it.  And there is little to no sugar.  Talk about a culture shock; try to find a food in the States where there is no sugar!

This is where the Frederick family comes to a crossroads.  Let me just say, when it comes to food, we are about as plain as you can get.  We are “meat and potatoes”, “peanut butter and jelly”, “hot dogs and apple pie” kind of people.  An adventurous night out for us is to actually look at the menu at O’ Charley’s before ordering the hamburger and fries.  And ethnic food?  Well, we eat tacos and spaghetti does that count?  But we had to experience our kids culture so we went online and found an authentic Ethiopian restaurant in Louisville—The Queen of Sheba.  And this was my “pre-Sunday-lunch-out” speech: “Ok kids, this is gonna be awful, but you have to try everything, and no whining.  If I have to do this, so do you.”  I know, I have a way with words.

Well out it came, we ordered a little of everything: Doro Wat, Sega Wat, Doro Tips, Sega Tips, salad and Injera bread.  When it arrived we gritted out teeth and were ready to try some gross, spicy, and fork-less food.

Before

After

So, like everything else we have experienced so far, we worry and God provides.  We loved it.  The Fredericks tore it up.  All I can say is those people at the Queen of Sheba better not ever open a buffet because we will shut them down!  It was great, even Lizzie thought so.  She actually ate vegetables (although she did not know till afterwards). 

Before our meals we usually pray a simple prayer that the kids have been saying since they were very little.  We all hold hands and Liz or Zach will say, “Thank you Jesus for our food, Amen”.  Maybe we should say something more like, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart (and tummy), and lean not on your own understanding (or follow your own tradition), but in all your ways acknowledge Him (and follow Him) and we will make your paths straight (and lead you to good food!), Amen.”  

Brian

It's Offical, We Are Pregnant... With Siblings

Well, it’s official.  We are pregnant, and its gonna be siblings!  That’s what the agency told us when they called.  I know what you might be thinking, “Hasn’t it always been siblings?”  Yes, and no.  Let me explain the process as best I can as to how it normally goes:

First, you and your spouse decide that you want to internationally adopt, and you may have even picked the country that you want to adopt from and the agency with which you want to work.  You then contact that agency and fill out an application and pay an application fee. 

After your approval,  you get your initial paperwork and fee schedule where they share with you what you will pay, who the money goes to, and at what point in the process that payment is due.  You agree and then get your first packet of documents to fill out for your home study which will take about 4 months.  Then comes the referral where you get some kids sent to you to say yes or no to, and then you begin your dossier to be sent to the country.  We are now about 6 to 8 months into the process.

God’s plan for us was a little different.  We got our home study, dossier, and referral packet all in one box, all at one time, and the clock has now started.  It is now official… real… and scary.  I was ready for the official and real part, but the scary, the real and deep feeling of scary, that I was not so ready for.  Its like waiting in line for a new roller coaster thinking you’ve got an hour or more to wait, prepare, and psyche yourself up for all the fast twists, turns, ups and downs.  But you don’t get that hour because someone comes to get you, moves you to the front of the line, puts you in the front car, and you hear as the bar goes down,  “please remember to keep your hands and feet in the car at all times”.  You think to yourself, “But I’m not ready”, “I don’t know if I can do this”, “Was I in the right line to begin with?”  The merry-go-round is looking really good now.

The fear comes at different times, it’s really unfair how it sneaks up on you when you least expect it.  When I get up late at night and go to the fridge for a glass of water and see Chad and Ubang’s picture and think, “What am I doing?”.  It comes when we are studying through our workbook and they tell us about night terrors and we think about Zach and Liz and ask, “Are we doing the right thing?”. 

But then I think of that picture, about the drawings Ubang did that they sent us, the video we saw of them playing at the orphanage. I remember seeing Chad, swinging on a swing being pushed by her brother, laughing and giggling so that if I close my eyes it might be Lizzie that I am hearing.  Or watching her chase balloons through the courtyard of the orphanage laughing and giggling, pulling at her jacket that is falling off her and now being stretched out because it’s hanging at her elbows, just like Liz when she is excited and playing. 

 I think of Ubang and the face he made when, though I didn’t understand the language, they were trying to get him to kiss his sister on the cheek for the camera.  He had the same face Zach would make, and I remember saying, “Buddy we will never make you do that for the camera”, and Zach beside me saying, “No we won’t!”.  I remember him kicking a soccer ball, racing his sister on a hopping ball, bouncing balloons.  He looks just like any other kid, because he is.  He could be Zach, she could be Liz.

And not only are the kids familiar, the fear is too.  It just took me longer to remember because it has been a while, almost 13 years now.  When one February morning we put Zach into a car seat for the first time and pulled out of the parking lot at Clark Memorial Hospital.  Karie and I both looked at each other in amazement, saying, “I can’t believe those people are going to let us take him home!  If they knew what a couple of goofballs we were (were, because we are totally not goofballs now), they would never let us take him home”.   But they did, and we were okay.  And Liz came, and we were okay.  And now Ubang and Chad are coming.  Its official.  And we are okay.  The same God that watched over us then is watching over us now.  He didn’t let us mess up our kids then, and He won’t now.  He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever more (Hebrews 13:8).  He is good (Psalm 73:1) and He can be trusted (Psalm 9:10).  Especially when it is scary.

Brian

Filling In the Cracks

I remember hearing a story once about the building program at Willow Creek church in Chicago.  They had their ceiling painted black in the sanctuary, but it hadn’t turned out so good.  When the lead pastor, Bill Hybels saw it, he thought it looked awful and immediately set up a meeting with the contractor.  To prepare for this meeting, he set the spot lights to point to the ceiling in an effort to point out the obvious mistakes.  When the contractor arrived, Hybels turned on the lights, and the contractor immediately said he would not look, and stalked out of the room, grabbed the contract and pointed out that all inspections were to be made in “normal room lighting”.  He said, “No one’s work can stand up to the spot light.”  I can tell you this is true, at least for my life.  I never knew how many cracks I had until our home study arrived. 

It came in the mail the night of Zach’s big football win.  “Awesome!”, I thought, what a perfect night, we had just beat our rivals, now we can finally get started on our all important next step.  That was until I sat down to fill it out. Fifty pages of personal questions, FBI Background Check, State Background Check, fingerprinting, finances, these people want to know everything, down to proof of our dogs’ vaccination history, and they are especially interested in cracks.  The thing is, you don’t realize how cracked your life is till you put it down on paper. 

                “How many times did you move growing up?”- We never spent Christmas in the same place twice.  “Were Your Parents Divorced?”- yes, I am sorry I don’t have enough room for my step-moms and don’t know all their names and ages, can I just put he was married 4 times?  And the all important kicker, “Describe your relationship with your father”- I had three lines to put one word—None. 

                I sat there staring at blank pages my excitement gone, heartbroken, knowing they are never going to give us these kids, wondering if they would take the ones we have.  One question kept coming in my mind, “Why would anyone give you these or any other kids?”.  And that is the whisper I hear.  Constant, incessant, “Who do you think you are?  If they find out who you really are, boy are you in trouble.” 

I don’t believe I am alone in this.  I have talked to countless friends who have shared with me the same voice.  You set up a budget and hear, “You will never get out of debt”.  Download the calorie app and then, “It won’t last, you can’t lose the weight”.  Set the alarm for early morning devotions, exercise, or whatever, “Why bother”. The bigger the goal, the louder the voice.  It is that voice in our head that is so loud sometimes we can’t hear anything else and it says loud and clear, “CAN’T”.    

So, how do I fill out the form?  I don’t.  Because the voice is right, at least it used to be.  The only way that I can move forward at times like this is to cash in on a few promises.  The first one is, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17.  The voice is right, no one should give me kids.  You take a look at my past and you would not know me.  In high school I was voted “Least Likely to Go to Heaven”, I’m serious.  But the promise I have been given is that I am not that guy anymore, I am a NEW creation.

The second promise is that as this new creation, in Christ, “I am able to do all things though Him who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13.  See as a new creation, when I am doing His will I am in His strength, and who can stop God?  Now as I stare at the blank page, I just fill it out, warts and all. No, I don’t have that raised-in-the-church squeaky-clean resume, but I do love my kids, and I promise to love my new kids if you just give me a chance.  I’m a good dad, not because of anything that I am, but because of everything that He is.

So, now I am done.  My checkered past is on the page. Soon, I will slip it into an envelope along with my background checks and financial plan, put a stamp on it and cash in on my last promise.  I will say a prayer and remind the God of the universe that He promised, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6.  It’s His promise, for me, for you, for Chad, for Ubang, for all who have placed their trust in the One who makes beauty from ashes and fills in all the cracks.

Brian

Put Away Your Cape Superman

I never was a big fan of superman. It's not that he wasn't a good person, that was just it, he was too good. Who would want him in their story?  Leap over buildings, stronger than a locomotive, laser beams out of his eyes, no matter who you pit against him, you know he is going to win. Where is the fun in that?  No one likes a superman, and I just learned that I am not one. It took a little psychoanalysis to get there though.
As part of the adoption process, we had to set an appointment with a family therapist so that she could talk to Karie, the kids, and I about what we could expect with the addition of Ubang and Chad. It was an opportunity for her to report our readiness to the agency and for us to assess our readiness to adopt. Having some background in family therapy and having worked with kids for years, I was sure by the end of the session she would be more than comfortable with us. I figured, if there is anything I got, its this.
It was an hour drive to Louisville for the appointment and I had plenty of time to prepare my perfect presentation. In fact, as I looked in the rearview mirror back at my kids, then over at my wife I was filled with the thought of how lucky Chad and Ubang were to have us rescue them. I was thinking, who wouldn't want to have us as their family? By the time we had arrived, I was convinced that I would be able to maybe help her with some of her other cases, because after all, I was the expert. And after we got there I can remember exactly the point where false pride left me there looking silly holding a cape that didn't fit me at all.
I went into the phone booth to change, but came out Brian when she told Zach and Liz this: "Ubang and Chad are going to be very scared and overwhelmed to be here.". We all just bobbleheaded her, yes, yes we know. This is the part where you tell us how great we are for doing this. But she didn't. She said,  "Imagine this happened to you, your mom and dad both die in an accident."  At this point Liz starts to tear up. "And no one in your family can take you. So you and Zach have to leave your home, school, friends, and neighborhood to move to a strange country where you don't even know the language. You have to live with strangers who don't even look like you."  It was then that I heard a voice in my head say, "Put the cape away superman, you're not gonna need it".
It was sobering.  If you listen to enough people tell you something you start to believe it, especially when you want it to be true. I was running the play of Little Orphan Annie in my head and had cast myself as Daddy Warbucks. All this time I had believed that this was some awesome thing happening to these kids and that they would be so happy that tomorrow was no longer a day away, but this is not a great thing that is happening to Ubang and Chad. This is just one more scary goodbye and transition into the unknown for two little kids who for a long time have only had each other. I can't imagine that happening to Zach and Liz.
It doesn't matter how many cool toys we have, how big their rooms will be, how much stuff they will be able to do, they have lost their home, and their homeland and we will have to work hard, work very hard to make this their home someday. And it may never be.
These were the stories she told of what to look forward to. Stories of heartache and discontentment. Of night terrors and abuse. Of trauma and family struggle and all this between people who will have a hard time just to talking to each other. No, we are gonna need more than a cape, we need a cross.
Its not a bad trade really. A costume accessory for a place to crucify my pride and self confidence because in my own strength I am sure to fail. To give up the perfect image for a place to crucify perfectionism and control issues and replace that with peace and surrender. To get rid of the superhero and trade for a place to crucify our need to rescue and let the God of the universe be the Lord of my universe and come to my rescue. I think that is why Jesus told us to follow Him we were to pick up across daily (Luke 9:23). It's not something we have to do, it is something we get to do.
Isn't that just how He works? In His upside down way, He shows the guy who thought was rescuing just how much he is in need of rescue. That's why David said, "The Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned" Psalm 34:22.
We learned a great deal that day-- I learned a lot. Most of all I learned that I still have a lot to learn. Please continue to pray for us as we pray that God prepares our hearts and our home for Him to rescue all the Frederick family, Zach, Lizzie, Ubang, Chad, Karie, and especially Brian (formerly known as Superman).

Brian

Chad's First Birthday Present

Today we had the most amazing thing happen.  I know that I have used that “most amazing thing” before, but I am really beginning to believe that a most amazing God only does most amazing things.  I think that He leaves the regular amazing things for other people to do so that we don’t get confused with Who is really most amazing.  And the most amazing part about this?  He uses you and me to do these amazing miracles.

          Now I know what you might be thinking, remember that I am the world’s biggest skeptic.  The logic would seem that if God is using you and me to do great things, isn’t us who are doing them?  I know that might seem good logic, and on the surface that is exactly right.  You see, Jesus pointed this out when He explained that it is what comes out of us that shows what is in us.  “But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart” Matthew 15:18.  This is crucial so don’t miss this.  This is not some trite explanation of whether you are a good person by what you do or don’t do.  That is just surface teaching.  No, Jesus is telling us something so much more.

          You see, up until this time throughout the bible it has been “God with us”.  Even Jesus’ name, Emanuel, means “God with us”.  When people prayed they prayed for God to be with them, and Jesus was the answer to their prayers.  But, being with us was not good enough for Him, He is so much bigger than that and He is always more than the box into which we put Him. 

          There is a noticeable shift that He tells His disciples will come with the Holy Spirit.  That everything will change from God with us, to God in us.  This is so important because now we have the reason for the amazing, that when followers of Jesus do things out of love for His glory, then it is HIM doing them not us.

          So my amazing story of what God did today?  I found it in a flower pot.  It’s always the last place you look, and with our dog Hurley constantly getting into it, it is a wonder I did not find it all over the front yard.  I walked outside today to yell for him and examined what he got out to chew up and I found a Kroger bag stuffed among the flowers.  Inside was an envelope full of money.  I know this came from a follower with Jesus inside because there was no note or identifying information.  See, followers only want Jesus to get the glory.  There was simply a card attached with this scripture, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him” Romans 15:13.

          What Jesus knew was that this week we had to pay for a big ticket item of an international pediatrician evaluation on the kids where we learned that Chad (girl, 5) is likely blind in one eye (more on this in another post).  The total on this was $600, the total in the envelope… $522.  Amazing.  

          Ten years ago today several men conspired to steal, kill, and destroy.  This desire was inside them and out of the hate in their hearts came the destruction that we know today as 9/11.  But out of this same human heart today something amazing was done.  And you know what, today has a new meaning for us.  Its Chad’s birthday, and she got her first present.  Just out of curiosity, I looked up the 5:22 passages in the New Testament, and you know what I found?  Galatians 5:22, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”  This is what comes out of Jesus’ heart.

          Thanks to the many of our friends who are Christ followers who have given time, prayers, Scentsy commission, Premiere Jewelry, and money gifts to us to help us get our kids home.  You know who you are, but I say this with all my heart, more importantly—Jesus knows who you are, you are His and you have His heart.

Brian

God Still Speaks, He Said Ethiopia to Us

How did we choose Ethiopia? We didn't, God did. I can say this with an absolute assurance. Let me tell you this story, because it has now become my favorite, and I am so excited I have one of these to tell. You know the kind of story I am talking about. The ones that circulate around on emails that you wonder, did that really happen? Like the guy that was told by God to buy milk and then which apartment to take it to, or the couple that packed up their clothes and took them to a neighborhood only to be told to go to a house where everyone there was the exact right size and needed clothes.

If the tone sounds skeptical, it is because I am. I might be the world's biggest cynic, and I would read these stories and say to myself, "God never does that", or at least, "God doesn't do that anymore". My reasoning for this, of course is because He has never done it with me. The closest I had ever gotten to one of those stories is a miraculously found day planner or a close parking spot at Walmart on Black Friday (that still counts, right?). But maybe that has less to do with God and more to do with me.

It seems that most of our energy and resources are directed at setting ourselves up so that we don't need God's intervention. Think about it, do we really want to find ourselves in a situation where we need Him? Who wants to be in a desperate place? Far too often the only time we come to a full and complete understanding that we are fully and completely dependent upon Him are during these times of crisis.

But this is exactly the state that Jesus called 'blessed' when He said, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness". I don't believe that Jesus wants us in desperate situations, but rather in every day life to live with desperation. So the challenge is to purposefully look for situations that call for great faith, where only God could get the glory. I believe He loves stuff like that. And that's how I think I got to experience His power and direction in this story.

So how Ethiopia? Well, being a total planner that usually asks God to bless my plans rather than set my direction, I put together a PowerPoint presentation for the family with three countries (Peru, Philippines, Ethiopia) with all the stats on economy, orphans, location, and pictures of children from that area (I know, my poor children, right?). We viewed the presentation, prayed, then agreed to wait and hear what God had to say.

Zach hit the mower, Karie headed for the laundry, Lizze to her room, and I went to the reading room for some quiet time (every guy knows exactly where I am). I took my One Year New Living Translation and opened to the marked page (the wrong date) and it was there at 2 Chronicles 14:9 "Once an Ethiopian named Zerah...". Any other translation would have "Cushite", but this modernized translation uses the modern, Ethiopia.

Quirky, yes, but I thought.... nah. Then as I was heading to help Karie, Zach comes in and pulls me to the side to tell me he was listening to a podcast sermon from last Christmas preached by Kyle Idelman called "Socks and Underwear". In this sermon Kyle used an illustration of a couple at Southeast Christian adopting a child from, guess where? If you said, Ethiopia, you are a very spiritual person, and also spot on.

But the best was to come that Monday when I was picking up catering at Chic Fil A. I was pulling out of the parking lot when the van below pulls in front of me. Look close and see that there is a picture of Africa, with the word Ethiopia across it, and a heart where the country should be. For added effect (and just because He can), there is a family of Jesus fish on the other side. This van also had no license plate and no marking/writing on the side. I have never before or since seen a van,car, or Amish buggy with any African stickers on it. I took the picture on my phone (while stopped, of course) to remember that God still speaks to us today. He really does, He is good, and He still wants to talk to me and you today, we just need to quit fearing the hearing.

So Ethiopia it is, and thank you God for still talking to me, even when I try to push you out.

Brian